Being careful what we pray..

Today I feel compelled to tell you all a bit more about what brought me to YWAM Denver.  Some of you know part of the story, but I want to give even more detail about some of the factors that led me to decide to put my life on hold and try some new things.

After I graduated from college in spring 2011, I was totally burnt out and never wanted to read another deep, academic book again.  I never wanted to sing another note.  Seriously, I was just done.  Not totally sure why, but that was the place I was at.  And in my exhaustion, I prayed that God would give me a job that would cover all my expenses, allow me to save for grad school in 1 year, and keep me in West Palm Beach until moving for school.

Well, guess what?  God gave me exactly what I asked for.  I worked as a sales associate in an office from 9-5, and all of the criteria I specified were met.  And guess what else?  I was miserable.  Not only was the job a terrible fit for me and not only was it something completely off from the music God created me for, the atmosphere at the office was incredibly negative and dark.  So I hated my life.

Yep.  Turns out that burn-out isn't really a good reason to stop using my gifts or whatever.  But I kept looking ahead to grad school, reminding myself that it was only one year away and that I could make it.  Well, when it came time to apply, God stopped me.  He got my attention through some members of my church who asked me if I felt like God was calling me to Music Therapy, the field I'd chosen to pursue.  I stopped to consider and realized that I had chosen to pursue this field in my 2nd year of school and decided that God would get my attention if He had other plans in mind.

So there's one mysterious answer followed with another mystery.  I'm not called to Music Therapy school.  Okay, but what am I supposed to do with music, God?

Because grad school was the hope propelling me forward, I became increasingly dissatisfied with my occupation.  So after about 3 months I began looking for another job somewhere else.  I immediately got a TON of leads and was offered several interviews.  But it was still a much longer and more tantalizing process than I preferred.  And I became more and more restless and more and more confused as time went on.

There was one position in particular that I was excited about, but it was taking FOREVER for the interview process to move forward.  Three MONTHS after I initially expressed interest in the position, and I was finally given a phone interview (we are now at March 2012, to give you a timeline), I was venting about how long this was taking to move forward to another girl at my church.  She asked me if I believed another office job would make me happy.  And without thinking, I replied,

"No, I need to do music."

Those of you who have ever talked to me know that I rarely, if ever, answer a direct question with a direct answer without hesitation.  It just so happens, that this conversation happened within the same week that my brother called me as he drove back from a visit to the base at YWAM Orlando.  As he told me how much he missed it and all the things he learned in his Discipleship Training School a couple of years ago, something strange changed within me.  And I remember feeling like someone else was speaking for me as I asked him,

"What if I did a DTS?"

Ever since mid-March I have followed God as He led me to do more and more crazy things than the last.  He called me to leave my full time sales job, work as an interim worship leader, while juggling 2 other jobs, move in with a couple from my church, and then leave it ALL behind as I left Florida for this adventure in Denver.

Needless to say, this has been an eventful year.  But it has also been so good.

Do I know exactly what's next?  No.  I do know that God is the one who spoke that I needed to come to this DTS, and I do know that God is the one who spoke through me that I need to be doing music.  I am confident that He has a future for me in singing, and I am trusting that He will reveal these things in His time.

Being in this school has been challenging, especially living in a small and involved community.  But it's opened up my eyes to how God sees the world.  When I look at things from His perspective, making a steady income that allows me to save just doesn't seem quite as important as doing what He's created me to be.  I've experienced so much more fulfillment being open and willing to serve than I was one year ago.

And so, while I don't fully understand why He has called me to be here for now, and while I do not fully know what's coming next, I do know this: He is trustworthy.  And He is good.  These things remain true regardless of my circumstances.

I know it seems a bit late in the game to post something like this, but I hope this testimony of my past year helps you in some way in your own walk with God and/or search for your passion.  As you fight through the confusion and the darkness, hold on to the truths that you know of God and who He is.  I promise you, He will not disappoint you.


"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" -Isaiah 30:21

Busking

Today a dedicated friend of mine traversed with me to downtown Denver, and we decided to be street musicians for the afternoon.  There was a troupe of students going to the museum for an art exhibit, so we hitched a ride in the van and picked a relatively busy street to serenade the passers-by and see if we could make some tips while we were at it!  [I found out after performing that this is in fact referred to as "busking," though Wikipedia says we are also minstrels or troubadours - Street Performing]

We had an acoustic guitar, a ukelele, our voices, and musical knowledge.  And that's all we needed.

Song selections included "Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson, "Better" by Regina Spektor, "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne, and "Over the Rainbow" because that's basically the song the ukelele was created for.

We met several new acquaintances, some familiar with YWAM, others familiar with the local coffeehouse/open mic scene.  We were asked for our phone numbers once, if we can play any rock n roll, and whether or not we smoke weed.  We responded "no" to all three inquiries.

After playing for some time, we decided as a band that it was time for our first break, so we headed across the street to a local coffee shop for refreshments and to use the loo.  We walked into the shop where the workers could clearly see us across the street all afternoon in our plaid shirts, instruments in tow, and me carrying my lunch sack in a brown paper bag.  Due to fatigue, I did not think everything through and asked the location of the restrooms prior to ordering anything, to which the barista replied,

"They're only for paying customers."

To which I replied,

"I'll have an Americano."

Apparently we looked convincingly needy.  That must be the reason we made exactly $11.99.

Well, actually it was supposed to be an even $12.00, but an overly-enthusiastic donor decided to throw a fistful of change down, causing a single penny to fall onto the sidewalk.  I didn't pick up the penny because I thought my friend had picked it up and she thought the same.

But the greatest treasure of all the outing - We were evangelized.

Oh yeah.  One guy dropped a false $1,000,000 bill into my guitar case, complete with information on "The million dollar question" in life - Will you go to heaven when you die?!?  Below are images of the "bill" and my friend reading the back aloud to me over my Americano.

We're just going to ignore all the theologically incorrect things on this piece of paper and marvel at the fact that this actually happened.  This is real life.




Well, friends, that was my afternoon!  What did you do today?  What songs would you want to hear us perform in the future?  How would you answer the "million dollar question?" ;)

Wax on, wax off

For those of you who don't know, I am currently a student in a Musician's Discipleship Training School (also referred to as MDTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Denver.  I would like to use this blog space to specifically update you guys on what I have been up to, and what I am learning here in Denver.  First off, I want to apologize for taking so long to start this blog!  I know I told a BUNCH of my friends that I would start one the weekend I arrived, but that just isn't how it seems to have worked out.  But, better late than never!  (My life's motto.)

Anyway, being in Colorado has been amazing!  I will post some photos in future entries just to talk about the different places I have visited thus far.  This is the first time I have ever visited this state, and it really is just a beautiful place.  Exploring a new part of the world (or, this country, anyway) has only made this experience all the more exciting!

As far as learning and curriculum are concerned, the first couple of weeks of DTS were more about refreshing things I have previously learned and restoring my relationship with God.  This past month was a journey in-and-of-itself to just realign myself with Him.

This past week, I have learned a whole lot about trust in the Lord, particularly in the area of money.  I have never participated in any sort of missions-related work before, so the whole process of fundraising has been totally new for me.  It's been difficult to learn to trust that my support will come directly from God by the hands of others.  Not only that, but my financial situation has also been tighter than I've grown accustomed to, so this is obviously an area that God really wants to teach me something about.

So I want to share a bit of the lessons I've been learning through this fundraising process.  Yesterday, I told a member of YWAM's staff a little bit about my financial situation, and he offered some very wise insights on the topic.  He said that it would be great and amazing and super relieving if God were to provide a HUGE lump-sum of money to help me with all the payments on my plate.  But here's the thing: How much would I really learn if that were to happen?

God might want to teach me something THRU this trial, rather than bringing me out of it right this moment.

The idea reminded me of Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid.  When Daniel (played by Ralph Macchio) wants to learn karate, Mr. Miyagi immediately begins enlisting Daniel to help out with as many household chores and repairman activities possible.  This continues on for some time until Daniel has an outburst, wondering when in the heck he is ever going to learn karate already?!?

This is when the application begins.  As demonstrated in the video below, Mr. Miyagi reveals that the basic defense moves Daniel needs to know were taught to him through the process of learning these various cleaning/repair techniques.

Ingenious, right?

Mr. Miyagi ninja'd his student's brain by indirectly teaching him how to be prepared for future tasks.  And sometimes, God wants to teach us in this exact same way.  We may not see what the future holds, but if you are in a tight spot right now, be it financial or any other challenging situation, trust that the Lord knows what He is doing.  Ask Him to reveal simple joys and small lessons right now and believe that what you are living through right now will make more sense later.  He has your best interests at heart, after all.