Refined by fire

Week 3 at School of Ministry Development just wrapped up, and dang, was this a heavy week! Our speaker, Doug Toller, addressed the "pitfalls" one encounters in both life and ministry.

We spent extensive time learning about Biblical characters who suffered various trials and also learned a great deal from our speaker's personal experiences as a pastor. While there are many joys to be found in ministry, there can be many hardships, too.

But we also learned about how God uses various trials and sufferings to teach us perseverance and to develop our character. Being under a state of pressure or stress is rarely fun, but it is in fact true that these times shape us more than comfortable situations.

The teaching reminded me of when I studied voice in college. One week, I told my vocal instructor that I felt crazy stressed and anxious and she told me, "Good."

She not only told me that being stressed is good and challenges one to grow, she also compared such a process to a caterpillar. In order to become a full-fledged butterfly, the caterpillar must first confront the darkness of transforming in its cocoon.

At our small group meeting on Friday, we painted with watercolors to process what The Lord revealed to us this past week, and I reflected on how I have grown as a result of the challenges He's enabled me to overcome. Here's what I came up with:

While I know I still face some staggering challenges, I know my God will never leave me, nor forsake me. And so, as I continue to stay true and to seek Him in all things, including my sufferings, I know He will continue to refine my character and set me free from the ashes left behind.

The freedom in defining relational boundaries

Our second week here in the School of Ministry Development felt more grounded than the first. We had our first week of teachings and a more regular schedule than Week 1. It's nice to feel more "settled" here at the base again.

As a student in the leadership school, I am allotted more opportunities to lead other students, alongside listening to daily teachings. These opportunities include leading small groups and book discussions, leading an intercessory prayer group, and teaching newer students how to clean toilets. (Woo!)

This past week, I was thrown back into Housekeeping duties. Personally, I love cleaning the base, as this was my work duty during my Discipleship Training School. However, this quarter I will only be cleaning 3 days a week, as I have also been selected to babysit for one of the families on staff one night every week. I'm excited to have the variety and chance to have fun playing video games with kids!

As for the lecture times, we spent last week discussing Comparitive Religions/Worldview. We spent time learning about and dissecting other ways to view the world around us. While it's impossible to truly be objective when learning these world views, it does help broaden our perspectives so we can better empathize with others.

While I will not spend a ton of time posting info about world religions, as I am sure you can look that up for yourself, I will share two of the main "Take Home" points I picked up. Both of these points stem from studying Judaism/Christianity.

First, both of these religions assume the foundation that God's love for mankind is unconditional. We never had to work to make God choose us.

Because we are given this unconditional love, we also have infinite value in His sight. This is a huge comfort to those that struggle to receive this love.

But the point that really struck me is this - that while God's love for us is unconditional, relationship with Him is conditional.

In order for us to have relationship, with God or with others, there has to be some semblance of parameters in order to define these relationships. Hence, for God to have relationship with us, He defined the simple requirement of going through His son, Jesus.

And so, by extension, we are restored to right relationship with God by entering into reciprocity. For while we are not required to do anything to be loved by God, we are required to do our part within the context of relationship.

I find this profound because it demonstrates the importance of participation in the Christian life. For while I can stand on the fact that God has always loved me and always will, I choose to love Him back, as evidenced by lifestyle habits.

The second insight presented revolves around the laws outlined in the Old Testament. Our speaker this week stated that these laws were put in place by God to protect relationship.

Because man and woman are made in God's image and hold inherent value, laws, rules, and regulations exist as a system to protect that value.

Think about it - the Ten Commandments include a regulation to not steal because stealing from someone breaks relationship with that person. It indicates a lack of respect for the boundary between what belongs to one person and what does NOT belong to him or her.

While stealing is not something I struggle with much, there are in fact other laws and regulations of which I am not a fan. Sometimes these rules are even blatantly ignored. Traffic laws, for example.

But choosing to adhere to a rule or law system does not necessarily have to mean subservience to a totalitarian dictatorship or method of control. Rather, it is a reflection of valuing the sanctity of others, within a defined system.

These are just a few of the concepts we are learning. I hope you also will strive to continue learning about the world around you and about the God who loves and forms you!

SOMD (Phase II) Week 1

Well, it seems I am back at Youth With A Mission!

(And by "seems," of course this means I am back at the Denver base.)

It feels strange moving back here. While the basic setup is the same, many variables have changed. Hence, life is an odd mix of the familiar and the unfamiliar.

The first week in a YWAM program typically involves lots of ice breakers, meet n' greets, and "mixers," as my sister would call them, to encourage new relationships to form.

As an introvert, I've, naturally, spent a lot of time reading in my room. ;)

But I am trusting it will get easier, and I am confident that I will make new friends in time. 

So far, my favorite "group bonding" activity was a Scavenger Hunt with my classmates. My team won, and we all received $5 gift cards to Starbucks! (Score!)

(That's us, winning.)

This particular training program that I'm enrolled in reminds me the most of college, out of all the YWAM schools I've done. The course itself involves a lot of reading, some quizzes, and public speaking.

I'm excited for an opportunity to hone my skills and to apply them to ministry opportunities both now and in the future.

As for week one, we spent a lot of time reviewing teachings on worship, intercession, and fundraising, as these are all integral aspects of YWAM life. 

One thing I took away from our initial teaching on worship is that God reveals Himself through how He's made us. Because we were formed in His image, we reflect aspects of His character.

Similarly, we were made relational because God Himself is a relational being.

And so, we reflect the character of God when we are simply ourselves, as He created us to be.

Living and relating well can even be considered a form of worship.

I know these concepts may seem elementary to some, but it is good to be reminded of simple truths in order to re-find our footing from time to time.

And so, in the Name of Jesus, and for the sake of His glory, this season at YWAM Denver, I'ma do me.

And I hope, you learn to do you, as He's designed you, too.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

-Psalms 139:13-14

(Another Scavenger Hunt photo. We are..um..seeking more knowledge and to bear fruit? Haha this is NOT an open door for an Apple vs. PC debate!)

A year in reverse

It's been quite an interesting and eventful year.

I almost never post blogs about the events of my life because I use it more as an outlet for deeper thoughts and epiphanies, but today I feel compelled to reflect on how much things have changed.

Since last March, I've had the privilege of learning more about worship, songwriting, mentoring, and serving. I've been given multiple opportunities to further explore how to incorporate faith and various art forms.

These opportunities include youth ministry, mentoring at a worship arts summer camp, and performing in a Christmas play.

While using these gifts and talents, I've also been given the opportunity to be ministered to through both YWAM Denver and through living in a young adults community called The Rez.

Living and working with other young adults is challenging, as we all come with very different backgrounds, life experiences, and habits of living. But choosing to engage in this community has allowed me to learn more about life in general.

After all, aren't we all essentially seeking the same things in life?

But more importantly, choosing to step outside of my comfort zone has caused more growth than I could have ever imagined. While there is still plenty more to learn and discover about life, God, the world, and myself, I feel confident in saying that I've never felt more "grown up" than I do right now.

Sure, there are plenty of hardships and challenges still to face, but there is also an amazing, all-powerful God on my side who never lets me down.

And so, without further ado, here are a handful of "Life Lessons" and/ or skills I've learned this part year:

1. Time Management - As I understand it, being an adult basically means assuming more and more responsibilities without much training, insufficient qualifications, and the same amount of hours in the day. Not meaning to sound  like a Debbie Downer, I'm just saying that young adulthood is rough sometimes.

That being said, I've been working at a pharmacy since this past August, where every single minute of the workday counts. Being present and intentional has been imperative to my success on the job and has been a great skill to apply to my personal life. Learning to balance a full work week, a regular exercise schedule, an active social life, and being involved at church has been stressful at times, but having a job dependent on personal efficiency has propelled me forward.

2. Participation - Having been labeled a "Wallflower" for most of my life, I am often found hanging out on the sidelines of various activities. But living in a community like The Rez has essentially felt like living in a youth group for young adults, complete with many organized activities and games.

(This, by the way, has been a good thing for me, as I often took life far too seriously in high school and college.)

Having friends close by encouraging me to worry less and play games more has taught me to do just these things. While there are many necessary tasks day-in-and-day-out, forgetting to take breaks and have some fun makes for a very busy, very boring life.

3. God is in the Small Details too - I know this concept is sometimes overdone, but in all reality, we should pay attention to details because God cares about details. Even now I am fighting to read through the laws outlined in Exodus for the Israelites. 

Let's get real - this book is dense and not too exciting once the plagues end. It's like the beginning of an epic that suddenly gets as tedious as a JRR Tolkein novel. (Brilliant writer, but seriously.)

But the fact remains that these details are written for a purpose, no matter how tedious, which makes them important. I've seen this over and over on the job, where every seemingly insignificant task contributes to the operation as a whole, making me understand my God all the more.

And so it becomes obvious to me that while I am not 100% certain why my life currently looks the way it does, and while I may have 0 idea where I am headed, it is obvious the Lord's hand is at work. And if walking behind a pillar of cloud/fire was good enough for the Israelites, listening for His Voice should be good enough for me.

Being a beginning "cell band mentor"

Most of you know that I completed School of Worship at YWAM Denver this past June and that it was a great experience that included lots of praise team practices, songwriting, recording, and blood, sweat, & tears.

(Mostly tears.)

But this past week, I had the opportunity to give back what I learned as a School of Worship student by working at a one-week Worship Camp for middle and high school students!

That's right! Last week, I worked all day every day at Joysong Worship Camp, co-mentoring my OWN cell band of worship leaders.

Someone decided to put me in charge! Ah!

 (This is not to say that I owned them, but rather to say that they were in my charge every afternoon from 12:30-1:30.)

[Btw - To this day, I still do not know why School of Worship bands are called "Cell Bands." The name makes me think of "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago.]

Aren't they cute? So precocious and full of wonderment! #TalladegaNights

While it was a bit of an intimidating experience, having the responsibility of helping a group of 7 youths cultivate a passion for worship and also develop musical skills, it was also an incredibly fun journey.

I could look back over the notes I took during lecture times to give you one of the amazing, deep revelations presented to the campers, but really I feel I learned more from the actual experience than from the presentations.

One of the biggest realizations I came to was that God legitimately trusts me to impart what I have learned to others.

Because being a band mentor is something I had never tried before, I had a difficult time believing I could do it. I remember asking God to equip me for the task ahead, and He kept telling me that I already know what I am doing.

Often times, I feel like we decide not to try new things or take risks because we don't truly believe in our own abilities. But when we choose to jump into something we don't feel fully prepared for, there is an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves.

A friend of mine recently put it this way,

"We think trust means standing on the high dive, saying,
'God, fill the pool, and I will jump.'
But God says trust means jumping,
knowing He will fill the pool."

I'm sure you've heard the cliche, "God trusts us more than we trust ourselves," but, honestly, He does.

While there are some things I definitely could have done differently and some musical things that maybe could have been communicated more clearly, over all, I think everything went fine. And all in all, I know that everybody learned more about how to worship God in a way they didn't know before. So really, I think it was a success.

And I think I would love to do something like it again. Because it's not always about doing something perfectly. Sometimes, it's simply about trying to do something.

1 Chronicles 16:23-31 -

Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day.  Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.  For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.  For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens.  Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place.  Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength,  ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name. Bring an offering and come before him; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.  Tremble before him, all the earth! The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.  Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, "The LORD reigns!"

Confluence Street Festival

Hi guys!

Short post this week, as I am working at a local Worship Camp and have limited free time to update blogs.

The camp started this past Monday and continues until Friday evening. Local middle and high school students are attending, and I am co-leading a praise team! We have been working on developing 2 worship songs for a worship concert on Friday night. I can't wait to see everybody come together then!

Also, this past weekend, I volunteered with a Young Adults group from Faith Bible Chapel at a street festival, organized by Confluence Ministries in downtown Denver. We were in charge of preparing and serving food for the community.

The street festival had lots of booths for attendees to learn about local businesses, ministries, etc. There were also booths for free services, like haircuts, and fun activities for kids.

Once we started serving food, we were preoccupied for several hours, but I managed to snap a few pics before then. Here they are:

These guys worked crazy hard to grill tons of hamburgers & hot dogs

And this crew worked on wrapping up the food to be handed out

We helped out with the snow cones, too!

My main task was to keep re-filling the chips for optimum selection :)

That's basically what I have been up do lately here in Denver. Hope you enjoyed the pics, and I will post more interesting thoughts & happenings next week!

Burnout in Ministry

I haven't really been working in ministry that long. Truthfully, I avoided being involved in ministry for a number of years because I did not want the responsibility of leadership.

But since accepting my fate [call] in spring 2012, I can honestly say that I have never been involved in something so rewarding. I acknowledge that I have grown in many ways since exploring various forms of ministry and that I find an inexplicable, deep peace throughout these endeavors.

However, I also find that it can be quite easy to start to feel tired and even burnt out. Working in ministry takes a lot of time, effort, and often funding without much tangible return.

Things that are tiring in ministry

• No matter what you do, people will always expect more from you than you can physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually handle.
• Being a leader means subjecting oneself to public scrutiny and criticism.
• And when you are truly servant-hearted, you long to meet every single one of these expectations. Being driven by a want to help others is the very reason you chose to accept a ministry position in the first place.

Ministry and discipleship are geared toward long-term shaping and are therefore often subject to an incredibly looong processing time. Sometimes, you tell a person about one concept for years before seeing actual change taking place in their lives.

Sometimes you'll harp on one small issue and hit a bureaucratic wall for years as you attempt to change a simple, insignificant church policy.

Other times, you will simply fight your own struggles with apathy and feelings of ineffectiveness.

When these moments, days, and possibly even years of upward struggle come, how do we handle it? How do we continue pursuing what we believe God called us to when it seems like we're completely on our own?

Redefining your ministry assignment

Like I said before, I haven't really been at this for that long; I am learning as I go. But I would like to try my best to share a few things I've learned so far about coping with feelings of burnout. Because there really are reasons to keep going, even when we feel like quitting.

One main thing I have learned is to redefine what I am looking to in terms of perspective.

For example, it can be easy to look to the approval of others or statistical data and get hung up on the deficiencies of a church/ministry/organization.

It can be easy to look at the timeline of how long you've been striving for something lined up against a lack of progress.

But when we shift our perspective, we shift everything else. So it's best to look to God for direction on how to think about the assignment ahead of you.

A long-term missionary might look at his or her lack of influence on the people s/he has been serving for 10 years and feel like it is a waste of time. But what if s/he changed the definition of what s/he is looking for and why s/he has chosen to be on this mission in the first place?

Instead of looking at "missions" as a "soul-winning venture," why not look at "missions" as "falling in love with Jesus so much that you can't help telling someone about it?"

See, from this new perspective, it becomes less about how the other person reacts, and more about lifting the Lord's Name higher.

For someone working in a church setting, tired of constantly going and feeling like they will never please people, a redefinition of what ministry looks like can help.

Instead of looking to meet every single person's needs, look to see what opportunities the Lord is opening for you to meet specific needs. For those that you simply cannot meet, trust that the Lord will take care of them in the ways you cannot.

What ministry is really about

Ultimately, being a minister is less about our own agendas and more about allowing God to use us as His channels for ministry. It's about laying down our own ambitions and goals and asking Him to accomplish His own.

This is a difficult thing to pursue because it can be almost impossible to really gauge how we are doing.

But the beauty of that is that it also takes the pressure off, remembering that it is not about what we are doing. It is about what God is doing.

Are you trusting in the Lord to use you for His glory? Or do you find yourself constantly striving to meet goals and expectations?

Are you pursuing people more than you are pursuing God? Are you pursuing the appearance of a title or role more than you are pursuing service for the sake of God's kingdom?

Being in ministry means constantly keeping ourselves in check and reminding ourselves of Whose plans are really important.

He longs to fill us so that we can be used to fill others. Where are you looking to get your fill?